Migrated from LiveJournal / Dreamwidth
I am officially — and really — on a spiritual retreat during December.
I am not going down south to my family this year, because my household now consists only of my dear old cat Levi and me, and I think it's too soon after the loss of his sister Freya for me to leave him so long. I would have had a friend who knows and loves him come in twice daily to feed him, but still he would be mostly alone. He's a sensitive soul and hates change. It can make him ill. Although we have both adjusted to being only two, part of that adjustment is being very clingy and smoochy with each other, more so than ever — so leaving for days or weeks at this point would be very bad. And I too would fret!
'But it's a CAT!' said one friend — a very old and dear friend. He will never know how close he came to being consigned to outer darkness forever. Only the oldness and otherwise dearness saved him ... and the fact that he was thinking of my wellbeing. But staying with Levi is not a sacrifice as far as I'm concerned. (And the family will be up to see me early in the new year, anyhow.)
However, I wanted to do something different and a bit special over the holiday period. I particularly don't want people thinking of me as 'poor SnakyPoet, all on her own at Christmas — how miserable'. I'm a Pagan, and shall be celebrating Solstice with my spiritual sisters and brothers at the Castle on the Hill, with dance and song, ritual and feast. Since my kids grew up, xmas is no big deal for me. Getting together with family is nice, but doesn't have to be at that particular time. And we can exchange gifts long-distance. I'm not miserable!
For many widows, for whom it IS a big deal, I expect it would be a sad time if they were alone. But my beloved Spouse was not the father of my childen; we met when all our kids had become adults. Our xmas traditions grew up only recently: Xmas Day at a family gathering at our (local) Surrogate Daughter's; Boxing Day at another family gathering, the matriarch of whom also adopted us as family. The first no longer happens; the same year I was widowed, Surrogate Daughter's adult children left home to enter their own lives, and her brother married someone overseas and settled down there. SG now goes to one of her nearby friends on Xmas Day. But the Boxing Day gathering still happens, and I'll go to that. Always good company and a great nosh-up; also Matriarch likes to give friends and family members a gift of a psychic reading from me, which does me a favour too.
I thought it would be really nice to have a quiet, solitary Xmas Day this time. The first post-widowhood Xmas I also spent fairly quietly, but not alone, staying with friends on their country property nearby; the second (last year) I did go down south to family and reunioned with many friends there too. Each was perfect at the time. But this time I relish the thought of retreating from the world, spoiling myself, savouring being with me. I will get some nice things in to eat, but probably not traditional fare. I expect I'll get enough 'Merry Xmas' phone calls to prevent any unexpected loneliness creeping in — but indeed I don't expect it. It doesn't take xmas for me to miss my dear Spouse; nor does that date have any special associations to make it more so. (If I would miss anyone it would be Husband Number 2, who was the father of my children ... but all those Christmases are long, long past, and the memories are happy.)
So — a retreat, I thought. Why restrict it to Xmas Day? I've been wanting to spend less time interacting online, more time catching up with reading, DVD viewing, housework and decuttering, exercising, writing letters, writing journal entries and memoirs, arranging poems by theme into chapbooks, water-colour sketching, meditating, consulting the oracles on my own behalf, playing with magick, having real conversations with the dear departed Spouse ....
Of course I can't go away for this retreat; it has to be right here with Levi. But I have announced it on facebook and hope people will assume I am going somewhere. I'll be staying away from facebook, twitter and email, and doing only the minimum I am required to in online poetry groups (luckily some of them are shutting down over the holiday period, and the others pretty much run themselves).
I shall attend the WordsFlow xmas party — the writers' group I used to facilitate. They invited me and I already accepted. It'll be good to see them all again. (Except for the one who moved overseas and, ironically enough, will be in Melbourne this xmas visiting his parents. Never mind; maybe we'll catch up in person next xmas.) I'll meet a couple of close friends for coffee. An old friend says her visiting family will want to see me at some point, and I'd like to do that too. I have a medical appointment I'd better keep, and I will have to shop a bit. Oh, and I'll continue my Friday morning walk to the local deli for breakfast with friends who walk from town.
That sounds like quite a lot! But is not a patch on all the things I'm usually getting up to. Quite the social butterfly these days, because I can be. But I'm really an introvert, and by now I'm craving lots of me time.
And what's so spiritual about this retreat? Well, I happen to believe that whatever fulfils one's own soul and gives one joy is a spiritual event.
How does LJ fit into this? Why, it's one of the things that has become neglected. I miss it. Unlike my other media outlets, I plan that this one will get more use! Reading all my friends' posts again, with leisure to linger over them, will be a treat. (I might not be writing here so much during this period as reading and commenting.)
However, I wanted to do something different and a bit special over the holiday period. I particularly don't want people thinking of me as 'poor SnakyPoet, all on her own at Christmas — how miserable'. I'm a Pagan, and shall be celebrating Solstice with my spiritual sisters and brothers at the Castle on the Hill, with dance and song, ritual and feast. Since my kids grew up, xmas is no big deal for me. Getting together with family is nice, but doesn't have to be at that particular time. And we can exchange gifts long-distance. I'm not miserable!
For many widows, for whom it IS a big deal, I expect it would be a sad time if they were alone. But my beloved Spouse was not the father of my childen; we met when all our kids had become adults. Our xmas traditions grew up only recently: Xmas Day at a family gathering at our (local) Surrogate Daughter's; Boxing Day at another family gathering, the matriarch of whom also adopted us as family. The first no longer happens; the same year I was widowed, Surrogate Daughter's adult children left home to enter their own lives, and her brother married someone overseas and settled down there. SG now goes to one of her nearby friends on Xmas Day. But the Boxing Day gathering still happens, and I'll go to that. Always good company and a great nosh-up; also Matriarch likes to give friends and family members a gift of a psychic reading from me, which does me a favour too.
I thought it would be really nice to have a quiet, solitary Xmas Day this time. The first post-widowhood Xmas I also spent fairly quietly, but not alone, staying with friends on their country property nearby; the second (last year) I did go down south to family and reunioned with many friends there too. Each was perfect at the time. But this time I relish the thought of retreating from the world, spoiling myself, savouring being with me. I will get some nice things in to eat, but probably not traditional fare. I expect I'll get enough 'Merry Xmas' phone calls to prevent any unexpected loneliness creeping in — but indeed I don't expect it. It doesn't take xmas for me to miss my dear Spouse; nor does that date have any special associations to make it more so. (If I would miss anyone it would be Husband Number 2, who was the father of my children ... but all those Christmases are long, long past, and the memories are happy.)
So — a retreat, I thought. Why restrict it to Xmas Day? I've been wanting to spend less time interacting online, more time catching up with reading, DVD viewing, housework and decuttering, exercising, writing letters, writing journal entries and memoirs, arranging poems by theme into chapbooks, water-colour sketching, meditating, consulting the oracles on my own behalf, playing with magick, having real conversations with the dear departed Spouse ....
Of course I can't go away for this retreat; it has to be right here with Levi. But I have announced it on facebook and hope people will assume I am going somewhere. I'll be staying away from facebook, twitter and email, and doing only the minimum I am required to in online poetry groups (luckily some of them are shutting down over the holiday period, and the others pretty much run themselves).
I shall attend the WordsFlow xmas party — the writers' group I used to facilitate. They invited me and I already accepted. It'll be good to see them all again. (Except for the one who moved overseas and, ironically enough, will be in Melbourne this xmas visiting his parents. Never mind; maybe we'll catch up in person next xmas.) I'll meet a couple of close friends for coffee. An old friend says her visiting family will want to see me at some point, and I'd like to do that too. I have a medical appointment I'd better keep, and I will have to shop a bit. Oh, and I'll continue my Friday morning walk to the local deli for breakfast with friends who walk from town.
That sounds like quite a lot! But is not a patch on all the things I'm usually getting up to. Quite the social butterfly these days, because I can be. But I'm really an introvert, and by now I'm craving lots of me time.
And what's so spiritual about this retreat? Well, I happen to believe that whatever fulfils one's own soul and gives one joy is a spiritual event.
How does LJ fit into this? Why, it's one of the things that has become neglected. I miss it. Unlike my other media outlets, I plan that this one will get more use! Reading all my friends' posts again, with leisure to linger over them, will be a treat. (I might not be writing here so much during this period as reading and commenting.)
Comments from LJ
ankh-hpl
Yay! I've missed your presence, & your posts. Enjoy your season of peace.
snakypoet
It's nice to have been missed! :)
captlychee
I note with interest that dkolodji is also saying she'll get more active on LJ. so these are two good things worth living through December for.
snakypoet
I am glad you are planning to live through December, for whatever reason!